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High School Begins
Anticipating the future,
With only knowledge of the past,
That first day of high school,
An impression that really lasts.
Scared of the teachers,
Worried about the work,
The pressure alone,
Is enough to make you go berserk!
As you walk through the front door,
New sights smells and sounds,
Peeping from your shell at all thats new,
Your world is flipped upside down.
Setting up your locker,
Searching for your first class,
Will your friends be there?
Maybe then your fright will pass.
Finally you sit down,
A voice tells you to relax,
Looking around in despair,
Youre about to freak out to the max!
The counselor descends,
Like an angel and you calm,
Maybe this wont be so bad,
Maybe youll have something to go on.
She starts to welcome the room,
As students come trickling in,
You look around and see,
They are all in the same situation!
The idea starts to dawn,
Wow Im actually not alone!
Maybe high school will be fun,
For everyone, just like me needs to grow.
January 2002 Coming Out
Fighting the urge to run.
Where would you go?
There really isnt anyone!
You feel so confused, so low.
You have to say goodbye,
You have to close that book.
Tired of all the lies,
Tired of the BS you took.
Youve been facing the facts,
Learning the truth.
Your mind is being taxed,
Yet this is as hard as pulling a tooth!
Taking a deep breath,
You pick up the phone,
Dialing that fateful death,
The one where you feel all alone.
But the voice is understanding,
The voice loves you no matter what.
The voice lets you go on ranting,
About the feelings in which you are caught.
Its not easy coming out,
Something I look back on and see,
At the time youre full of doubt,
Looking for that faceless key.
There is no magic,
Its only within you.
But at the time its all so tragic,
Facing life without a clue.
Youre reality swings by a thread,
Threatening to come crashing down.
Youd rather end up dead,
Than having to deal with the condescending sound.
Of your family, your friends,
What will they say?
Off with you will they send?
For something beyond your control will you pay?
But they understand,
And they love you no matter what.
So silently you land,
Pulling yourself out of the rut.
Thank you for listening,
Thank you for acceptance,
For the fright was blistering,
And your friendship deserves great recompense.
January 2002 Outward Bound
Today Im in the boundary waters of Canada,
Pushing a husky, trying to get it to mush.
Its Christmas, so I expect Santa,
But there is none up here, with the snow so lush.
Today Im with Outward Bound,
Making history up north,
But back home are my friends,
Figuring what their gifts are worth.
Today Im with my mom,
Cold as can be,
Only the dogs are warm,
With their coats so deep.
Today I am alive,
For while back home I might be at rest,
At least Im taking a risk,
And living up to my best!
January 2002
Never Again
Never in my life,
Did I cry so much,
That my tears rained down
And cooled the fires of hell.
Never in my life,
Did I love so much,
That the site of your face,
Would ignite a memory,
To light the dark chasm from when you left.
Never in my life,
Did I ponder so much,
If letting go was best,
The only way to save us both.
Never in my life,
Did I worry so much,
That I was hailing all death,
With the exclamation of freedom.
Never in my life,
Did I choke so much,
When I read you loved someone else,
When I realized I meant nothing.
Never in my life,
Did I die so much,
For my insides were torn,
Black and bleeding from a site unseen.
Never in my life,
Did I rage so much,
On myself for stupidity,
On you for accepting my love.
Never in my life,
Did I doubt so much,
Doubt moving on,
Doubt loving even myself.
Never in my life,
Did I fall so hard,
Fuck you Jack,
Cause I love you.
2.21.02
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JR Racing
The world awakens,
but you have been up for hours.
Staring at the hot asphalt your mind is taken,
knowing how close you are to being devoured.
Looking to your left,
you see the ambulance ready.
'Cuz even at your best,
this could be deadly.
You must go on,
you must move forward.
So the fireproof suit you don,
and the car you move toward.
Firing up that engine,
you are strapped in by your new friends.
They might be all grins,
but you are busy visualizing every turn and bend.
In your head music plays,
a deafening racing beat.
But you've been waiting for this day,
amongst the rubber, sweat and heat.
As that light turns green,
you fly off in a cloud of smoke.
Grinding and burning, a tremendous scene,
but with the G's pushing you back, you choke.
You fight back the urge to stop,
flying past second and first.
Taking your place at the top,
with speed as your only thirst.
Blisteringly fast,
you take the curves one by one.
Quickly lapping last,
you realize you've nearly won.
From scared to free,
you pass that finish line.
The car, the road you finally see,
And all you can think about is next time.
January 2002
Melissa
Walking in the room,
You were immediately there.
A figment of my imagination,
More like a figment of my past.
You were what I needed,
A friend, maybe more.
But a friend was what I got.
I was so happy that we had met yet again.
I was so happy that we had clicked so well.
I was starting to notice more about you.
I was starting to realize my true feelings.
I loved everything you had to offer.
I loved you.
To me you were everything,
You were my true north, my guiding light.
You showed me the world,
Through your eyes so bright.
But my life would change.
I wanted something else.
I knew you were true.
I wanted something different.
I knew I still loved you.
I finally told you so.
I finally found someone else.
Now we are great friends.
You understand all that occurred.
You know of my life,
You know of my love.
We are best friends.
I want to thank you for your truth.
I want to thank you for you.
I want you to know youre always with me.
I want you to know youre incredible.
Leaving the room was hard.
But I left knowing we would always be together
January 2002
High School Ends
Looming ahead, like a big black cloud,
But with engulfing silence, I cannot make a sound.
A few last words, a whisper to catch,
Not yet ready, nor willing for the strings to detach.
Having been a part of me, for so very long,
My life seems thrown, with high school nearly gone.
Familiar faces and kind words, all that is certain,
This act in the play of my life, will close with the curtain.
Taking the turns fast, deceivingly so Im nearly done,
However in my mind Im content, I feel as if Ive just begun.
Reluctant to leave, but knowing its time,
Taking this poem as more than but a rhyme
For while this period in our lives has already been set,
These times in MY life, I will never ever forget.
January 2002
The Storm
The storm is over,
Yet within me lightning crashes.
There is safety in anger,
For without youre left empty and bewildered.
You cant question that which fuels the flame,
Till that emotion has been extinguished.
Only then are you left with the truth,
No more conjecture; no more worry.
For while truth is accepted,
It can also be scarier than the blind fury within each of us.
So within me lightning crashes,
And numbly I accept that which is true.
But the blind fury is within me,
Itching to get out.
March 10th, 2002
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